Seen at a Gate (was House Poor) - edit4

[Mark A Becker]

Hey duke-

I'm pretty rusty at offering crit but a couple things jumped out at me.

1- "this ancient" is an oddly archaic description of an old guy (like me) 
2- "this ancient thence" compounds the problem and seems to be a force in search of a rhyme 

This poem uses such language and turns-of-phrase that younger folks probably should not use - especially not if they want to relate to old guys (me again). 

I'd suggest worrying less about the rhyme scheme, and paying more attention to the story you're trying to tell.

Hope not too critical for "mild to moderate", but I was hoping for something to be better able to grab onto (or have grab on to me).

I see what you're going for, and hope you get there.
Thanks,
... Mark