10-08-2019, 11:10 AM
Thank you both for your critique. Todd, you definitely helped with many of the lines, and Churinga, you made me look at the poem in a different manner.
I would say that there are times when I start a poem wanting to write free verse, and also times I aim to write a formal poem. This is more of a narrative that I carelessly sprinkled end rhymes into. I think perhaps it would improve the poem to move to more internal rhyming? I will give the poem an edit and see what you both think. In this poem, I was trying to write a visual narrative with longer lines and contrasts between stanzas. I have been writing poetry for a few years but haven't had any formal training other than reading the classics, so Churinga, I loved your critique. I think I have a way to improve the format, without tearing up the content.
Thanks to you both!
I would say that there are times when I start a poem wanting to write free verse, and also times I aim to write a formal poem. This is more of a narrative that I carelessly sprinkled end rhymes into. I think perhaps it would improve the poem to move to more internal rhyming? I will give the poem an edit and see what you both think. In this poem, I was trying to write a visual narrative with longer lines and contrasts between stanzas. I have been writing poetry for a few years but haven't had any formal training other than reading the classics, so Churinga, I loved your critique. I think I have a way to improve the format, without tearing up the content.
Thanks to you both!