Burnt Orange Train

[Todd]

Hello Roembkeeg,

Welcome to the site! A few comments for you below on this piece.

I simply want genuine feedback from thoughtful minds on some of my poetry. I chose this poem as my first post because it is what I love most about poetry: telling a story for myself to later recount.

Burnt Orange Train

I wandered around the old streets alone--nice tightly written first line. It establishes someone lost in past memories and now alone. "wandered" "old streets" and "alone" are solid word choices to set the immediate mood and hint at the past.
Squared like a chessboard stripped of its hues
Set in weathered brown against the sky's navy blue--What was once vibrant is now dulled. Again, nice building in the narrative. This is the effect of coming back and seeing the overlay of brightness upon rust.
I pondered when we loved on that old, slow train--While I like the sonics of wandered/pondered. I'm not a huge fan of pointing out introspection. Calling attention to it in my opinion weakens the reflection if that makes sense. I also don't think "old, slow" are the best modifiers. There may be one word that captures both ideas without losing the cadence (which I like).
Washing our words down with pilsner and watching the rain

Outside the blotted window there were dried drops and finger smudge--Seems like you could blend the phasing here to make the image more evocative.
All we had were hand motions and the occasional nudge
A smirk or a nod to see the absurdity of the moment--this is a bit too abstract for me personally I'd rather see this expressed through concrete imagery
Conversing with the peculiar men and crossing bravely a lofty barrier--Same comment here for peculiar something that establishes the peculiar aspect through imagery. I'm not suggesting anything overblown but something more than the lone modifier.

The burnt orange curtains fell against teal carpet--I'm not sure I like the line. Here's why. When I reflect on your title without this line the burnt orange could be rust which then ties into the fading elements of your opening. When I get here I say, "Oh, curtains" and the title loses something for me.
They fit well on the caterpillar locomotive, smug and sublime--I know this is a preference of mine and I don't want to get pedantic but I'm not a fan of tacking on modifiers like you've done here. They don't feel earned.
And the four men, two old, two middle-aged, were robust, a rhyme
Of character of sorts, nothing more, we talked and prayed
But they impressed me more than I them, so I send heartfelt thanks--This section felt a bit confusing to me how you structured it.

And so I whistled and shouted, hanging out the elderly caboose
Letting hair blow off my face and staring down my grey-bearded muse
Smiling grimly, my body shivering from the mood, not the cold
At this point I returned, feeling assured that she'd be where she'd told--I'm good with this section except this final line. It felt a bit flat.

Back in the bar of the middle car I encountered the two younger men
Wearing tight faces they took my arm, piercing me with sharp eyes--piercing me with sharp eyes feels a bit artificial to me.
Turning the corners of their mouths slowly and motioning about
Pretending I understood, I finally had, and it was clear
He'd simply asked if I'd sit down and I could give him my ear--give him my ear is slightly cliched. A substitute perhaps.

Much obliged I took his offer - my heart was much too full
Like the sidewalks on a Bucharest Friday - my eyes the streetlamps' glow--I like the phrasing herer.
I took another shake from my acquaintance's rough hands
And asked him carefully and slowly if he'd been anytime to Indiana
The blank look on his face told me an unsurprising no--I think blank look is fine but I don't think you need to spell out the unsurprising no part.

Or maybe it was indifferent? Hell if I could decipher what it said
But nonetheless, I'd assumed the right answer
And promised if he'd come, he would certainly have a place to stay

I took his subsequent silence to mean (not that he was rude)
But that he would someday take me up on that offer
So instead of saying more, I hopped off
Leaving a +1 number on a white note between the seat and door--I'd like to see something that hints back to the beginning as it comes across I bit too much like a wrap up and I think you could do more here. 

On the whole, it was a good read. I hope the comments are helpful to you.

Best,

Todd