Karl’s Labor's Lost - edit2

[BrandonD]

Karl’s Labor’s Lost


Fuel-oil and later gasoline
(its distillate) excused us from
a Marxist coup d’etat for they
required no stokers, men to throw
black coal on fires for others whom
they couldn’t help but envy for
brute muscle power they employed
for pennies as if stokers had
no minds resentment could consume.

Instead, petroleum ran slick
from fields which paid their drillers well
through pipes to far refineries
or into ships that burned it neat–
no sweating stokers to resent
their exploitation, or dark pits
of sullen miners primed to strike.
When stokers’ sons drove motorcars
their envy failed, and Marx retired.

Karl’s Demise


Fuel-oil and later gasoline
(its distillate) redeemed us from
a Marxist overthrow for they
required no stokers, men to throw
black coal on fires for others whom
they couldn’t help but envy for
brute muscle power they employed
for pennies as if stokers had
no minds resentment could consume.

In place of coal, rock-oil ran slick
from fields which paid their drillers well
through pipes to far refineries
or into ships that burned it neat–
no wretched stokers to resent
their exploitation, or dark pits
of sullen miners primed to strike.
When stokers’ sons drove motorcars
their envy failed, and Marx expired.

Alternate title:  "Oil, Fool!"   

Hey, dukealien. I think you should try to hook the reader into the piece before you try to take them to science class (I'm not even sure that you need to specify "distillate.")
Fuel-oil is awkward to say, and so, right off the bat, I'm not enjoying myself.

The piece gets better as it goes along with strong sounds that work together well ("rock-oil ran slick," "dark pits of sullen miners primed to strike.")
I will point out that you use the word "stokers" four times, which is a bit of overkill for a short piece.

The concept is rich (no pun intended), and you've done well choosing a topic. Best of luck with the piece.

BrandonD