09-16-2019, 09:31 PM
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Hi Duke,
not convinced by the argument (King Coal and Matewan come to mind), but enjoyed the read.
Perhaps a question mark in the (excellent) title, just to dial back the didacticism?
The lack of punctuation make it a bit of a slog, unnecessarily.
L1 - 'rock oil' from the original might make for a more interesting start than 'fuel-oil'
L3 - perhaps 'saved' for 'excused'? And shouldn't 'they' be 'our engines'?
I don't find 'coup d'etat' convincing, here. Might I tempt you with a
coal-powered (Marxist) revolution ?
I think having Karl in the title, you don't need 'Marxist' in the text.
L6-8 - I get a bit lost in the syntax of envy.
L9 - maybe 'ignite' for 'consume'?
L10 - 'slick' doesn't add much, could in have 'ran rich' or 'flowed fast'?
Best, Knot
.
Hi Duke,
not convinced by the argument (King Coal and Matewan come to mind), but enjoyed the read.
Perhaps a question mark in the (excellent) title, just to dial back the didacticism?
The lack of punctuation make it a bit of a slog, unnecessarily.
L1 - 'rock oil' from the original might make for a more interesting start than 'fuel-oil'
L3 - perhaps 'saved' for 'excused'? And shouldn't 'they' be 'our engines'?
I don't find 'coup d'etat' convincing, here. Might I tempt you with a
coal-powered (Marxist) revolution ?
I think having Karl in the title, you don't need 'Marxist' in the text.
L6-8 - I get a bit lost in the syntax of envy.
L9 - maybe 'ignite' for 'consume'?
L10 - 'slick' doesn't add much, could in have 'ran rich' or 'flowed fast'?
Best, Knot
.