08-02-2019, 10:31 AM
(07-30-2019, 09:39 AM)EMK Wrote: Air
The air around her changed
From airy
Now estranged
Blooming forcefully
Bright colors
Faded
Forgot the water
Forgot the sun
Forgot
Her air
I feel you could use a transition from “bright colors” into the fading section. Possibly further description and explanation- just a bit; I got a bit lost there. Repetition is helpful to guide the reader, but I think here you could replace the second “air” with a deeper description.
The “from...now” transition isn’t as smooth as I feel it could be, so I would play with the wording there.
I love the use of “blooming,” though. It creates lovely imagery.
~FM