07-28-2019, 02:26 AM
Thank you both, lengthy doesn't have to be wordy, even though everything is clear to me I'm not bringing it out right.
I've been sitting on this for almost two years with the only feedback being 'i read the whole thing, so it was interesting, but I was expecting a twist at the end which I didn't get'.
My only real constraints are a petrarchan sonnet rhyme scheme throughout a heroic crown with the master sonnet at the end.
I used my real experience as a new manager of a dog house after a hurricane, keeping it going, hiring help, loving and hating my job and the insane stresses that can result, while using my restaurant experience, reversed genders and an earthquake in case my boss ever read it. Then I used the earthquake as an excuse to enjamb rhymes in the middle of the words to throw off the foundation, and I bring it up in s11 in defense of the psychotic situation I stayed in.
As far as the twist goes, I thought I wrote a fun piece of insanity with twists all over, and couldn't think how to twist it in the master sonnet unless I made it sound like I quit anyways. So I changed the title because, 'i won't quit until the job is done'. Yet asking, why would I quit verses why did I quit, if i loved it... 'why'd'
It's hard to go line by line but I see that I should reword things to be clearer, not really sure how, it took over a year for this edit
I've been sitting on this for almost two years with the only feedback being 'i read the whole thing, so it was interesting, but I was expecting a twist at the end which I didn't get'.
My only real constraints are a petrarchan sonnet rhyme scheme throughout a heroic crown with the master sonnet at the end.
I used my real experience as a new manager of a dog house after a hurricane, keeping it going, hiring help, loving and hating my job and the insane stresses that can result, while using my restaurant experience, reversed genders and an earthquake in case my boss ever read it. Then I used the earthquake as an excuse to enjamb rhymes in the middle of the words to throw off the foundation, and I bring it up in s11 in defense of the psychotic situation I stayed in.
As far as the twist goes, I thought I wrote a fun piece of insanity with twists all over, and couldn't think how to twist it in the master sonnet unless I made it sound like I quit anyways. So I changed the title because, 'i won't quit until the job is done'. Yet asking, why would I quit verses why did I quit, if i loved it... 'why'd'
It's hard to go line by line but I see that I should reword things to be clearer, not really sure how, it took over a year for this edit
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches