07-12-2019, 07:25 AM
The poem bristles with sharp observations
I don’t know if the line breaks help. If anything, they force pauses where not necessary.
So much of the poem is about picture painting, , that the pauses sound like the narrator intruding.
For instance:
you are stubborn
steadfast adamantly
unafraid
I tunnel into you searching for a sign that
you see me new but
your old eyes stare back at me
unfazed
This might be better as a prose poem?
Otherwise, I wouldn’t change a thing
Forgot to add: thanks for the read. This was magnificent
I don’t know if the line breaks help. If anything, they force pauses where not necessary.
So much of the poem is about picture painting, , that the pauses sound like the narrator intruding.
For instance:
you are stubborn
steadfast adamantly
unafraid
I tunnel into you searching for a sign that
you see me new but
your old eyes stare back at me
unfazed
This might be better as a prose poem?
Otherwise, I wouldn’t change a thing
Forgot to add: thanks for the read. This was magnificent