06-21-2019, 12:35 AM
Thanks for commenting, Billy.
S2, to me, is the weakest link. The symbolism/analogy just doesn't work. Needs tossed and rethought, me-thinks. I'm a tough critic lol.
As for your S1 suggestion, and as to why I phrased L2 as I did, I'll refer back to my 'iambic nature' comment to Paul: I want the smooth flow. I'll definitely reconsider, the line, however.
The syllables are just a habit. I'm a bit of a control freak and dictate how I want a poem read. You are correct - they unnecessary in this form. I'll drop them in revision.
You've both directed my attention where it needs to be. It's appreciated.
S2, to me, is the weakest link. The symbolism/analogy just doesn't work. Needs tossed and rethought, me-thinks. I'm a tough critic lol.
As for your S1 suggestion, and as to why I phrased L2 as I did, I'll refer back to my 'iambic nature' comment to Paul: I want the smooth flow. I'll definitely reconsider, the line, however.
The syllables are just a habit. I'm a bit of a control freak and dictate how I want a poem read. You are correct - they unnecessary in this form. I'll drop them in revision.
You've both directed my attention where it needs to be. It's appreciated.
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot