Lessons from the Fen

[billy]

Lessons from the Fen i like the tying together of the poems with a cover-all title. i think you could forgo any punctuation such as comma and period, let the line do the work. another thing i'd try and do is try to remove words like [the] where you can get away with it. the fox one though it has two [the's] i'd leave as is. it works well enough to keep.[just suggestions mind]' and one example:

An acorn drops
moss-filled pond ripples
- my son’s first smile

i good collection that works well together. for me they need very very little edits. the syllable count works well enough to keep. for me if it works in a different format than the 5-7-5 use it. thanks for the input so far you've given the site.


An acorn drops,
ripples the moss-filled pond
- my son’s first smile.

Rain massages,
softens the compact loam
- hesitant steps.

A rabbit trembles,
concealed beneath the mist
- the crouching fox. i really like the drama and tension i this one.

Frost-crusted marsh,
bullfrogs burrowed in mud
- crane’s parting cry. this also has drama in the cry, very enjoyable.