Lessons from the Fen

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello Seraphim and welcome to the Pen. Thanks for your thoughtful feedback so far around the site. This is an enjoyable little collection that holds together pretty well as a whole. I'm curious as to how you settled on 4-6-4 and also about your choice of placing the dashes at the start of lines 3 rather than the more common placement at the end of the second lines. Like I said, I'm more curious than critical. 

Lessons from the Fen


An acorn drops,
ripples the moss-filled pond
- my son’s first smile.

Rain massages,
softens the compact loam I almost want "softens" to be "loosens" here - only because I like the massage idea
- hesitant steps.

A rabbit trembles,
concealed beneath the mist the rabbit or the fox? Grammatically, I'm assuming the rabbit. But there is a slight departure from clarity. 
- the crouching fox.

Frost-crusted marsh,
bullfrogs burrowed in mud
- crane’s parting cry. I like this one best. No "the"s 

Looking forward to seeing more from you,
Paul