06-20-2019, 12:20 AM
I wonder how this would work, possibly adding a second level of interpretation/meaning, if you moved the em-dash to the beginning of the third line, and put a comma after ‘morning’...
...or possibly move it after ‘dog’.
This one’s fun to play with lol.
If you consider moving the em-dash, might consider eliminating ‘because’ and replacing ‘dog’ with something like ‘bassett hound’ - a quiet dog which completes the syllable count/meter and adds a bit of detail to the image (perhaps not desirable in Japanese short forms).
I like the basis of this. I’ll shut up now.
...or possibly move it after ‘dog’.
This one’s fun to play with lol.
If you consider moving the em-dash, might consider eliminating ‘because’ and replacing ‘dog’ with something like ‘bassett hound’ - a quiet dog which completes the syllable count/meter and adds a bit of detail to the image (perhaps not desirable in Japanese short forms).
I like the basis of this. I’ll shut up now.
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot