Townhouse Conductor - edit3

[UselessBlueprint]

I've been struggling to critique this one since you posted, but now that classes are over, here I  go.

Townhouse Conductor


As if conducting this slow symphony,
the master-vulture shifts, presiding from
a gleaming coppered gable while below
well-off dog-walkers, never glancing up,
ignore their eunuchs' leavings.   // you've eased up on the alliteration a bit. Maybe too much.

Down the block a second buzzard
stands prepared to play her part,
evening dress contrasting with
bold emerald illegal-tended lawns.    // not a fan of the added "bold"

Still master-vulture perches, anthracite;
directs, anticipating townhouse coda
on a page much closer than
dog-walkers thoughtlessly believe.    // Wonderful wording in this stanza

Black buzzard perches, statuary
on a copper-gleaming gable;
watches while, below, well-off dog-walkers
don't pick up their eunuchs' leavings.
Down a townhouse block, another buzzard
stands sidewalk sentry, rusty-feathered
by comparison with emerald,
illegal-tended lawns.

The master-vulture waits, shifts slightly
as if conducting this slow symphony:
anticipates its coda,
on a page much closer
than dog-walkers thoughtlessly believe.

Vacationing in the belly of the beast (a university town).  And I see things...

I enjoy this so much it's hard to critique. Very well executed, for the most part. I actually liked your phrase in the first version "stands sidewalk sentry" ... Like I said, I think the alliteration was nice, and you may have cut out a bit too much of it. Overall, very good. I wish I had more to say, but I really do enjoy it.