05-09-2019, 09:33 PM
edit1;
Townhouse Conductor
As if conducting this slow symphony,
the master-vulture shifts, presiding from
a gleaming coppered gable while below
well-off dog-walkers, never glancing up,
ignore their eunuchs' leavings.
Down the block a second buzzard
stands prepared to play her part,
evening dress contrasting with
bold emerald illegal-tended lawns.
Still master-vulture perches, anthracite;
directs, anticipating townhouse coda
on a page much closer than
dog-walkers thoughtlessly believe.
Thanks to both critics - I've tried to implement the advice while maintaining the theme. In my defense (of the original version), it was jotted more or less as the sights and thoughts showed up in my morning walk... not the best dramatic ordering, or most logical.
Townhouse Conductor
As if conducting this slow symphony,
the master-vulture shifts, presiding from
a gleaming coppered gable while below
well-off dog-walkers, never glancing up,
ignore their eunuchs' leavings.
Down the block a second buzzard
stands prepared to play her part,
evening dress contrasting with
bold emerald illegal-tended lawns.
Still master-vulture perches, anthracite;
directs, anticipating townhouse coda
on a page much closer than
dog-walkers thoughtlessly believe.
Thanks to both critics - I've tried to implement the advice while maintaining the theme. In my defense (of the original version), it was jotted more or less as the sights and thoughts showed up in my morning walk... not the best dramatic ordering, or most logical.
Non-practicing atheist