04-26-2019, 01:37 AM
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Hi Madeline,
afraid I agree with UselessBlueprint about the overused refrain
(there's also the question of whether you add the two survivors
who later committed suicide to the 17).
Your poem has a lot of scene setting and not much exploration
(not to mention the repetitions, 'door', 'live', 'school' etc.)
I'm curious as to the nature of the 'rebellion' being explored.
Who is rebelling and against what?
The line I thought most effective was, 'all were wounded'
(that lingered).
Best, Knot.
.
Hi Madeline,
afraid I agree with UselessBlueprint about the overused refrain
(there's also the question of whether you add the two survivors
who later committed suicide to the 17).
Your poem has a lot of scene setting and not much exploration
(not to mention the repetitions, 'door', 'live', 'school' etc.)
I'm curious as to the nature of the 'rebellion' being explored.
Who is rebelling and against what?
The line I thought most effective was, 'all were wounded'
(that lingered).
Best, Knot.
.