I Used to Love Her

[billy]

hi metgiantfan, after a few reads what strikes me most are the amount of cliches that run throughout the poem. you start off in the first couplet with a simile and then there's no more for quite a while. a suggestion would be to swap out cliched [well used phrases] for some original thoughts about the same thing. while it's okay to use words like love, they convey little if any meaning or emotion.
how did she have your heart? it the how that's important to the reader. make the simile you use work well [blown away by her wind like love] does love blow people away like wind? often a simile is easy to rework,

the choice between god and the woman is clearly stated. try and tighten lines up into as few words as possible. be less wordy

I Used to Love Her


We used to do everything together, always by my side, no matter the situation,
Blown away by her wind like love, she aged slow, like watching leaves turn, she made me patient.


She captivated me, pair her gentleness with her landscape,
And unbeknownst to me, she tried hard to keep her man safe... from


Anyone else who could, potentially steal me away,
Still growing, she had my heart, and she never wanted me to change,


I will never forget the first time, I looked and was amazed,
How it seemed she was made for me, I didn’t want to wait... I was hers.


Giving in to, any desire,
The spark of our connection would have dwarfed the forest fires... of concern.


I never realized that while giving everything to her,
I was just living a lie, masquerading, so absurd.


Pretending this was all that was left for me,
Stuck in a relationship, one I was never meant to be... in.


I thought, how could I ever let this situation happen,
But she is real good to me, it’s not THAT bad being trapped in... Or so I thought.


Until the day that I saw, you.



Dripping in affection, your love was the most intimate and true,
You look at me with conviction, from that moment, I knew what I had to do.


See, it seemed so easy, but you knew she wouldn’t want to leave me,
She had rooted herself so deep, she fought so hard to come between me... and You.


You were there since the beginning,
I never noticed all the ways you fought for me, that’s when I started reminiscing.


It wasn’t her landscape that had me enamored and intoxicated,
But the way you shaped the mountains, and how the fields you decorated, so amazing.


Not her summer wind, the wind that cooled me on a warm August day,
It was your whispers that spoke your life into this man, your subtle foreplay. You got me hooked.


From that moment, you opened up my eyes,
No more would I fall victim, and be caught up in these lies... of hers.


I told her I used to love her, her tears filled the lakes and seas,
I could not live another day while she has a hold on me... I’m done.


It’s about time, let’s get this out the way,


Dear World,


I am writing this to inform you that our relationship has reached a point of no return,
The time we shared was precious, but I am no longer your concern.


My heart belongs to the one while on the cross, thought of me by name,
Who knows my sins, but yet chose to love me just the same... unlike you.


So while it may pain me to say this, I know it must be done,
I cannot love you both, and I have chosen only one… And it’s Jesus.


So consider this my resignation from our relationship unfurled,
Time so say goodbye,


I used to love a girl named World.
This poem is based off the Bible verse 1 John 2:15

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This poem is based off the Bible verse 1 John 2:15