02-15-2019, 07:10 AM
Hi, being they you only got a limited amount of time here are a few quick thoughts.
Asterisks bring nothing to the table. One word lines also do not stand up. Lost in the wind is mindlessly cliche. Actually, so is the entire last stanza. “In her dark recesses, as light fleeting, every blessing’s forgotton” is of limited value from a logical standpoint. Blessing’s.....uggherm...
A penny’s copper face meets line breaker would be better as
A penny’s copper face meets the surface
Though why algae ridden water.. what significance.
If it was me I’d consider just sending in the first stanza and make that the entire poem. The first stanza is ok, the rest of the poem I’ve either heard before or is of limited logical value...
thank.x
Asterisks bring nothing to the table. One word lines also do not stand up. Lost in the wind is mindlessly cliche. Actually, so is the entire last stanza. “In her dark recesses, as light fleeting, every blessing’s forgotton” is of limited value from a logical standpoint. Blessing’s.....uggherm...
A penny’s copper face meets line breaker would be better as
A penny’s copper face meets the surface
Though why algae ridden water.. what significance.
If it was me I’d consider just sending in the first stanza and make that the entire poem. The first stanza is ok, the rest of the poem I’ve either heard before or is of limited logical value...
thank.x