in autumn

[Knot]

.
Hi busker.
The first four lines were inviting,
but then nothing happened.

in autumn
Not sure that the title adds anything.

Somewhere, you
are hailing a taxi,
catching a bus.
- I believe in the 'rule of three'
so I'd add one more element
to this list, ''waking up' sprang
to mind.
It’s eight in the morning,
and the splintered sunlight
from fiftieth storey
windows is falling on your light brown hair.
- the rather clichéd ending disappoints. As
does the fact that 'splintered' is not developed.

Somewhere, above
you, red maple branches
- if you start with a list in S1
you need to balance it with one
here.
dissolve into
the wind, whose hoary
fingers are darting,
playfully parting
the leaf battered locks
of your light brown hair.
- I don't think this verse adds anything to the
piece. The narrative doesn't advance, and
the reader (this reader) knows nothing more
about the person with the 'light brown hair'
nor N than they did at the end of S1.

I want to know what N's reaction/response
is to S1.

Best, Knot.

.