Edit 1: Bedtime Clichés

[Knot]

Hi Alex,
difficult to argue with anything Ellajam said,
so...

I think it deserves a better title, this one doesn't
fit well with the tone/mood of the piece.

S1 maybe name 'her', it's not the strongest of
openings.

Consider cutting S2, or coming up with a better
alternative to 'dribbles' (which does not work
well with 'wincing').
Just a suggestion:
Her liver-spotted hands
run warm water through dry hair,

the fragrance of green apple[s] promis[ing]
a new age of creation. Before we whine,

she takes both thumbs to wipe away
the bubbles[, humming] a lullaby.

Is there anything better than 'hums' in S4?
(Though thumbs/hums is quite nice)

S5, as Ella said, 'their fabric is...'

S6 the period after 'ketchup-stained' spoils the flow
for me, could you insert a modifier for 'incarnations'?

S7 'guise' seems a poor choice, would it work as
are folded on the sink, and childhood
convinces us that we are the idea ?


Best, Knot.




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