Edit2 - Of the Laws

[Knot]

Hi Duke,
minor nits only.


“Master,” asked his thoughtful student,
- 'his' is redundant, implied by 'Master'.
“why is Silver Ocean higher
at some places than at others?
Here it overtops a sea-wall,
- maybe 'spills over the...' for overtops.
(If 'here it x' then perhaps the next line
should be ?
but, a few li back, there it is churning ?)
but, a few li back, its churning
stopped six bu below. Can it be
that sea-level is not truly
just the same at every place?


“Has this world a slant, oh Master,
- 'Is the world askew, oh Master' ?
just as Ninefold Heaven angles
- 'tilts' for 'angles'?
over all its lands and seas?”


“Fool!” his master said, but sagely,
- still think this is wrong tonally. It
works well without the heavy-handedness.
“What makes you believe a wall
men built is level as an ocean?
- 'true' for 'level'?
Some who build, skimp, stopping lower
than they’re bidden, and yet others
build too high because they pocket
money for each stone they lay.
- 'every' for 'each'?


“If all men would do exactly
as the Son of Heaven orders
in his wisdom, Middle Kingdom
- this is a bit cumbersome,
either
If all men would do exactly
as the Wise Son of Heaven orders
or
If all men would do exactly
as the Son of Heaven, in his wisdom,
orders...
would not suffer flood or famine.”


Best, Knot


.