Others have written

[Knot]

Hi Busker,
very nice, the romance not overdone
nor too sentimental. Strikes just the
right note I think.

Others have written
- maybe a different title?
Repeating it in the first line seems
a waste.

Others have written
of matters important,
- If you could stand the self-deprecation,
I'd suggest adding 'well' after 'written',
and maybe 'momentous' for 'improtant'?
(Or even, Others have written
of meaningful matters.)
I on the other hand
have written but of you,
'but' sounds wrong (to my ear), why not
'only' or 'merely'? Including the title, it's
the third instance of 'written' (and in such
a short poem too).
cajoling words
to sing like a linnet
- is there an alternative to 'sing'
(given how strong the next few lines
are)?
of the green gold summer
where the light’s never fading
in the endless minute
- very nice, thought the linnet/minute
rhyme is a bit of a surprise.
(maybe 'moment eternal' ?)
that I’m sitting with you.
- similarly, 'sitting' is a bit flat.


Best, Knot.


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