Edit - On His Lady's Anger At His Politics

[Knot]

Hi Duke,
entertaining idea, enjoyable read,
though I found S3 a bit of an anticlimax.

On His Lady's Anger At His Politics

Our trouble with your hatred, lady mine,
- don't think 'Our' works, maybe just 'The' ?
is not its menace or my pain it gives–
and here too, 'the' for 'my':
is not its menace, nor the pain it gives -
but that dark innocence in which it lives,
ascribing malice which is only thine.
- the sense of the last line works, but not
the line itself, you really need to say to whom
the malice is ascribed. Maybe
and finds malice here which I fear is thine. ?

You cut and browbeat, love; I merely pine
- is it 'merely' rather than 'and so I' or 'where I do'?
for times when there were soft alternatives
to argument and silence, adjectives
- these two, in phrasing (though not in meaning)
seem out of place, 'alternative/adjectives'
don't read as the language of love.
Just a suggestion:
for when there were sweeter possibilities
and/our discourse dressed in civilitiess,
that dripped with humor, pearls of wit divine.
- similarly 'dripped' strikes a odd note.

How can I let you see what you will not,
without becoming mirror to your vice
of mad denunciation, silent tears?
- lost on 'silent tears'. Is a 'your' missing'?
Calm, showing there's no evil, leering plot
- this doesn't follow naturally from the
preceding. It reads like you've missed a line
(along the lines of, 'instead I must ... ')
abroad, but strength to wait and cast fate's dice–
with hope you'll waken, sane, in days or years.
- days or years makes for a weaker ending than
S1 and 2 deserve. And 'sane' is unnecessary
after 'mad'.


Best, Knot.

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