Wish
#9
(10-31-2018, 05:10 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I want to go back to tomorrow
with its open oceans and winds
that blow in unknown directions

instead of today, when the wind
was a voice that smothered me
and washed you away
just suggestions: storms (or another synonym) instead of winds in L2 to avoid the repetition?
L3 might use some other adjective, cos "unknown" is already implied in "open".

your use of past tense when talking about "today"  made me think about the fact that there is no real now in the world of thoughts, instead  one always decides to look to the near or not so near future or reminisce the past (and the latter is not automatically a bad thing).
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Messages In This Thread
Wish - by Leanne - 10-31-2018, 05:10 AM
RE: Wish - by busker - 10-31-2018, 07:30 AM
RE: Wish - by billy - 10-31-2018, 08:00 AM
RE: Wish - by Leanne - 10-31-2018, 06:04 PM
RE: Wish - by Todd - 10-31-2018, 11:08 PM
RE: Wish - by cloud - 11-01-2018, 03:10 AM
RE: Wish - by Leanne - 11-07-2018, 09:16 AM
RE: Wish - by Ally - 11-09-2018, 04:11 AM
RE: Wish - by vagabond - 11-14-2018, 08:19 PM
RE: Wish - by pigpoem - 12-12-2018, 08:59 AM



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