rock heart

[cloud]

Hi cloud,

I'm commenting on Edit 1.589 :-)

I like the streams, rivers, sea. I'm a bit stuck on 'lay', though, as I expected something like 'towards'. I think there's a movement towards the sea, but I might have missed the meaning (if so, sorry!).

Best wishes,
Ally

Thanks Ally, no misinterpretations exist imo! & I agree, that word choice seems more fluid

i didn't really give enough feedback so here goes. both first lines could be stronger.
in connection to the title the poem takes on a solid metaphorical meaning. both meanings work well, i'd just like to see more depths.

[Edit 1.589]

a gentle stream
softly crumbles this is an excellent image, it really capture what happens in connection to the next line. loved it
by resting shores

where all rivers arc
in seamless flow
lay the sea; soaring  another good image.

waves crest
above morning clouds
falling
like a silent drop a suggestion would be "like silent drops"

by resting shores,
a gentle stream
softly crumbles
where all rivers arc
in seamless flow

^OG

Thank you for following up, Billy
I think a lack of critique on this piece confirms my initial concern of it being too generic, or safe, or that it has no memorable qualities.
I agree on the weakness of the first two lines, and it makes me question if centering the tone of the poem around "calmness" or "tranquility" was a bad idea.

could you elaborate on what you mean by "depth" here?
your other remarks are noted, thanks!