a really good attempt at a sonnet the meter feels okay. the sonnet's separated as it should be into it's three character parts. the couple feels a little forced but a good solid effort none the less. [nonother ] i think is either two words or hyphenated. i like the slight meter deviations in a couple of the lines. though when doen i might need another half foot, example;
To be, or not to be, that is the question though it's probable not mandatory, it does give off a more lyrical sound
To be, or not to be, that is the question though it's probable not mandatory, it does give off a more lyrical sound
(10-29-2018, 03:53 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: No one will save you. Follow your instincts
as the water rises, covers the shore.
Homes and less sturdy crafts, as their hope sinks, [craft] no need for their unless you attribute hope to what the house and craft feel
break in the ocean's unforgiving roar. i like the poem so far you've created a type of chaos to it
Know, a sound mind, will cut the turbulence, seems like a lot of comma's
and stay afloat, drifting above the waves,
maintaining the course set by circumstance,
seeking a future only courage paves. this and the two lines above need an image, as is it's to tell and no show.
Noa needs confuse the company kept,
when rationed food would vanish in the night.
What could be done, as you the captain, slept,
and images of land passed out of sight?
No wonder, when you got there, you got drunk.
No wonder you wish you had stayed, and sunk.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches