This, Too - Edit3

[billy]

good edit, glad the stiffy went though it did get a rise from me. now the real stiff comes into play.

This, Too


Last night I nodded off
with television looking on–
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same.
I rose, back bent and sore,
at first begrudging time not spent in bed...
then smiled, acknowledging
this, too, was sleep.

I’ll rise from sleep another night
while this world,
its wars and rumors, songs and getting
churn along just fine
in my final absence.
Then I’ll glance down
(he looks so natural)this is the only line i'm struggling wit. it reads as a bit vague, i get what's being said and like the idea of it, but i feel many would not get it.
and smile, discovering
this, too, is rest.

edit1;

Last night I fell asleep
with the television on–
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same.
I rose, back a little stiff, 
at first begrudging time not spent abed...
then smiled, acknowledging
this, too, was sleep.

I’ll rise from sleep another night–
while this world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine
in my final absence.
Then I’ll glance down
(a little stiff, there)
and smile, discovering
this, too, is rest.


original version;

Last night I fell asleep
with the television on–
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same.
I got up a little stiff,
at first begrudging time not spent abed...
but then realized this, too, was sleep.

Some day I’ll fall asleep again
while the world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine
in my final absence.
Then I’ll look down
(a little stiff, there)
to find this, too, is rest.