This, Too - Edit3

[Keith]

Duke I enjoyed your poem, I like the feeling of not impacting on anything and how you use the TV as a window onto world events and all our sleeps being a pre-curser for the big one at the end. If its your intention to be a bit cheeky then Stiff works across the two scenarious but it has a big impact on how its read and IMO it detracts a bit too much. Best Keith

This, Too


Last night I fell asleep
with the television on– a slow start doesnt really grab
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars not sure about this line because it feels specific but is it ?
played without me just the same.
I rose, back a little stiff,
at first begrudging time not spent abed... abed seems a complicated word when all other language is simple why not in bed ?
then smiled, acknowledging
this, too, was sleep.

I’ll rise from sleep another night–
while this world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine I feel this line may be missing a comma, getting churn?
in my final absence. spoiler alert but it is needed
Then I’ll glance down I like the levetation / airial view
(a little stiff, there) not sure if you want the reader to go all carry on matron but I did on the first read
and smile, discovering
[font=Courier New]this, too, is rest. I like the punn on layed to rest