This, Too - Edit3

[billy]

i like the juxtaposition of the two stanza, the first two line felt a bit flat though i have no suggestions. that said they do work. i wasn't expecting the stiffy but it also worked and well. bugger me, i just read the too and fro between you and richard and it seems i got it wrong. apologies for having a filthy mind.

This, Too


Last night I fell asleep
with the television on– not sure how else they could be said but the two opening lines feel a bit weak
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same.
I rose, back a little stiff,
at first begrudging time not spent abed... [at first] feels like filler
then smiled, acknowledging
this, too, was sleep.

I’ll rise from sleep another night–
while this world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine does it need a comma after getting?
in my final absence.
Then I’ll glance down
(a little stiff, there) good twist.
and smile, discovering
this, too, is rest.

Last night I fell asleep
with the television on–
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same.
I got up a little stiff,
at first begrudging time not spent abed...
but then realized this, too, was sleep.

Some day I’ll fall asleep again
while the world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine
in my final absence.
Then I’ll look down
(a little stiff, there)
to find this, too, is rest.