This, Too - Edit3

[Richard]

Hey Duke,
I like the comparison here of falling asleep with the TV on to looking back on life after death. I do have some thoughts though:

This, Too -The title brought to mind the Langston Hughes' poem, "I, Too". Is this allusion intentional?



Last night I fell asleep
with the television on–
flat-screen wonders, songs, and wars
played without me just the same. -I like the first four lines. There's a wonderful sense to detachment. 
I got up a little stiff, -My inner pervert made me think of this line in a sexual sense. I wonder if you would consider rewriting it to say something like: "I woke up, my back a little stiff"? That might mess with your rhythm though.
at first begrudging time not spent abed...
but then realized this, too, was sleep. -I can't help but wonder if the speaker's sleep was dreamless? This is more food for thought than an actual critique point.

Some day I’ll fall asleep again -I feel like this line needs to be stronger because the speaker is talking about their own death, but then again maybe the speaker is just demonstrating their own detachment from death?
while the world, its wars and rumors,
songs and getting churn along just fine
in my final absence.
Then I’ll look down
(a little stiff, there) -I quite like this line as a statement about the afterlife.
to find this, too, is rest. -Personally, I think that the idea of the world still going on after the speaker's death is a stronger idea to end on rather than rest. I would suggest rearranging this stanza a bit because I feel like detachment is a stronger theme here than death.

I hope some of what I said is helpful, and I look forward to seeing where you take this piece from here.

Thanks for the read,
Richard