10-05-2018, 09:55 PM
Thank you for the advice! I did some looking into enjambment and I think I've improved that. I also tried to tie it to the title and remove weak lines. I went further into the lie portion as well. I'm not sure if it's effective at getting across what I'm trying to, but hopefully it's better.
She's gone
Say's I'll never change
She's not wrong
Yet I find it strange
That this chair wont tie loose ends
but it comforts more than friends
they don't lend their ear to feelings
that I share, do they care? are they scared
that I'm just feeding
on their lives and that I try to hold a lie
thats always fleeting
They're gone too
They can see that they mean nothing
That I always search for something
to confirm that they don't love me
but is it true?
Here they are
let them in, let it go
show them what's within
You never told them how you feel
You just keep talking with yourself
She's gone and no one knows
That's why I sit here all alone
She's gone
Say's I'll never change
She's not wrong
Yet I find it strange
That this chair wont tie loose ends
but it comforts more than friends
they don't lend their ear to feelings
that I share, do they care? are they scared
that I'm just feeding
on their lives and that I try to hold a lie
thats always fleeting
They're gone too
They can see that they mean nothing
That I always search for something
to confirm that they don't love me
but is it true?
Here they are
let them in, let it go
show them what's within
You never told them how you feel
You just keep talking with yourself
She's gone and no one knows
That's why I sit here all alone