Lost
#14
i'd suggest changing out some of the ing words; brush, claw, tear, the last two stanza feel weak. wtach out for redundancies. their place would suffice for both station and home.

(04-29-2018, 09:42 AM)SpaceDirt Wrote:  I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.

But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.

I stare at the ground [not needed as you also say the same thing below]
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.

I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground. [to the ground, is a given and doesn't add anything]
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

The paths beckon me
They pull me in and 
They pull me apart.

I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong

Anywhere.

(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).
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Messages In This Thread
Lost - by SpaceDirt - 04-29-2018, 09:42 AM
RE: Lost - by alonso ramoran - 04-29-2018, 10:46 AM
RE: Lost - by Scarlet69 - 05-19-2018, 09:36 PM
RE: Lost - by TheCoyote - 05-25-2018, 10:37 AM
RE: Lost - by Radetof.Yahska - 05-29-2018, 06:36 PM
RE: Lost - by SpaceDirt - 05-30-2018, 09:46 AM
RE: Lost - by nozaki - 05-30-2018, 10:07 PM
RE: Lost - by wapiti - 06-07-2018, 12:32 AM
RE: Lost - by Mayhap - 06-13-2018, 02:19 AM
RE: Lost - by wordgobbler - 06-13-2018, 05:09 PM
RE: Lost - by Jackintheroom - 06-24-2018, 04:38 AM
RE: Lost - by The Sinn - 08-20-2018, 12:46 AM
RE: Lost - by Shokna - 09-03-2018, 02:36 AM
RE: Lost - by billy - 09-24-2018, 09:42 AM
RE: Lost - by applebear - 09-27-2018, 05:45 AM



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