09-24-2018, 09:42 AM
i'd suggest changing out some of the ing words; brush, claw, tear, the last two stanza feel weak. wtach out for redundancies. their place would suffice for both station and home.
(04-29-2018, 09:42 AM)SpaceDirt Wrote: I stand at the crossroads
People brushing past
Eager to find their place.
Their home.
But I remain still
Dread clawing at my being
Violently tearing at the fibers
Of my heart.
I stare at the ground [not needed as you also say the same thing below]
My gaze transfixed on the
Well-trodden path.
Where I belong
Unclear to me.
I succumb and
Collapse to the
Ground. [to the ground, is a given and doesn't add anything]
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.
The paths beckon me
They pull me in andÂ
They pull me apart.
I can't walk
Those paths.
I don't belong
Anywhere.
(This was written when I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and the like. Enjoy, I guess).
