01-12-2010, 07:47 AM
I think it really flows better with the edits (though it could be just me 
). Like some of the changes (replacing "wicked" with "wayward" in the first stanza, for instance) and only has very minor typos ("make her squirms" in the last stanza)
The internal rhythm is pretty good, but can still be polished to perfection. A good way to do this is to recite the poem to yourself. If it feels natural, then it's good to go
). Like some of the changes (replacing "wicked" with "wayward" in the first stanza, for instance) and only has very minor typos ("make her squirms" in the last stanza)The internal rhythm is pretty good, but can still be polished to perfection. A good way to do this is to recite the poem to yourself. If it feels natural, then it's good to go
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?