Last Independence - edit2, title change

[nozaki]

quite fond of this now, i think subtly more concise (title as well). only had a few final thoughts for you. 

edit2;

Last Independence


Will this be my last Independence Day
of vaunted solitary life
on two feet, two pedaled wheels
before a cane puts in its spoke,
then walker-shuffling starts–
lame, nudging ruptured tennis balls?--I admit I am still not a big fan of this stanza, is the mundane images? You must've been going for that feeling, but somehow I am in the mood for theatrics. Still works, however. 

If science can’t eternalize our youth,
it should at least secure us--ah, nice. I like the new wording here. 
unexpected passing in our sleep–
mistaking that first meeting with Saint Peter
for another routine dream
of disappointed father-figures.

Please, not those months of intubated drowning--might change those to these, but that's just my (very small) opinion. Do you need the please? 
and dementia which can’t even form
a reasoned willingness
to end.