Last Independence - edit2, title change

[Knot]

Hey duke,
'shuffling' in the right direction, I think

edit 1;

Last Independence Day
Think you've got to do something
about the title, especially now you're
using/repeating it in the first line.

Will this be my last Independence Day
of vaunted solitary life
- ? 'a or my vaunted'?
on two feet, two pedaled wheels
before a cane puts in a spoke
- perhaps 'its' for 'a'?
or walker-shuffling starts:
lame, nudging ruptured tennis balls?
- wonder if this is missing a line or two
of N's reaction to this prospect?

If science can’t eternalize our youth
it should at least learn to ensure
- still finding this (the argument) odd.
unexpected passing in one’s sleep
- not sure L3/4 work that well
(grammar, not semantics)
mistaking that first meeting
with Saint Peter for a routine dream
of disappointed father-figures
without months of intubated drowning
and dementia which can’t even form
a reasoned willingness
to end.
- I think the first six lines of this verse
need improving, so that they match the
very strong final lines. Also, I wonder
if switching away from the first person,
in this verse, is a mistake?

Best, Knot.