Thinker (revision 2)

[Richard]

Hey Allison,
I think you have a worthwhile image to work with here. I'm just left a bit underwhelmed by the speaker's intent. There's obviously something the speaker doesn't like about the person they are describing, but I just don't understand why they feel that way. That would be an area I would suggest exploring in a future revision. I'll go into more detail below:

There is no comb in your kit -I find this line establishes the eccentricity of the person being described. I'm just wondering if that was your purpose here? 
of critical tools, evidently. -The phrase "critical tools" is a bit vague. I would suggest using a specific example of something this person would consider a "critical tool".
No perfectly imperfect.

Devoid of intent, -How does the speaker know this? What is his/her relationship to this person? Like I mentioned above, this needs to be explored more.
you are

sincerity in thick brown hair
and wrinkled shift, -Is "shift" supposed to be "shirt"?
scribbled thoughts -Again, "thoughts" is a bit vague, and you could have a lot of fun giving the reader an example of the kind of scribble thoughts this person is coming up with.
and cocktail napkin knit.

I am pressed cotton greenbacks
and pintucks and balanced
sheets, stilettos. I am
lost. -I like the juxtaposition of the speaker to the other person. I feel like the speaker comes off as shallow because they identify themselves by material goods. Was that your intention?


Revision 1

There is no comb in your kit
of critical tools. There is
no perfectly imperfect.

Devoid of intent,
you are

sincerity in thick brown
tress and wrinkled shift.


Robed in scribbled thought
and cocktail napkin knit.


Original

The comb is not
a critical tool in your kit,
evidently.
I cannot characterize you
as trying not to try.

Deficient of intent,
you are

sincerity in thick brown
tress and wrinkled knit,
as though, complete
with scribbled thought,
you pulled a napkin
out of pocket
and stretched it overhead
to wear.

I look forward to seeing where you take this piece next.

Thanks for the read,
Richard