Thinker (revision 2)

[Knot]

Hi allison,
stronger for the revision, I think.

Thinker (revision 1)

There is no comb in your kit
of critical tools.
- I think 'evidently' in the original
was excellent. Conveyed a number
of attitudes from the speaker (one
of which seemed exasperated/
maternal or paternal) which
are now lost.

There is
no perfectly imperfect.
- this just seems a bit clever for
the sake of cleverness, and an unfinished
thought. Do you need it?
(Alternatively, simply cut 'there is')

Devoid of intent, you are
sincerity in thick brown
(any reason for 'sincerity' rather than
'sincere')
tress and wrinkled shift.
- 'tress' seems very odd, why not the
more usual 'tresses'?

Robed in scribbled thought
- 'robed' after 'tress' seems a bit overdone
(particularly when you add the 'bs' of 'scribbled'.)
and cocktail napkin knit.

It feels like the end is missing.


Just a suggestion:

There is no comb in your kit
of critical tools. Evidently.
No perfectly imperfect.

Devoid of intent, you are
[sincere] in thick brown
tresses and wrinkled shift.

[Dressed] in scribbled thought
and cocktail napkin knit,
you...?...



Best, Knot