06-09-2018, 03:02 AM
@rowens interesting thoughts and very appreciated.
@knot you are a critical genius, and all of your suggestions have been duly noted.
@richard i decided on waves because waves "break" (as in the crest, the white foam and surfers and etc.), but i think i am growing too attached to that particular connection. maybe.
@todd i have cut the schnapps line (it was a last minute add on and now that i am hungover writing this, schnapps no longer seems so appetizing an image) and other various cliches, although i have kept the heartbreak. the most cliche of all but i did try to expand and rework it a bit.
in general,
the title has been July for as long as i can remember it, so long that it has lost its original connection with the poem since the poem itself has changed completely several times. i refer to it in my head as "the poem in july" and need to change that.
@knot you are a critical genius, and all of your suggestions have been duly noted.
@richard i decided on waves because waves "break" (as in the crest, the white foam and surfers and etc.), but i think i am growing too attached to that particular connection. maybe.
@todd i have cut the schnapps line (it was a last minute add on and now that i am hungover writing this, schnapps no longer seems so appetizing an image) and other various cliches, although i have kept the heartbreak. the most cliche of all but i did try to expand and rework it a bit.
in general,
the title has been July for as long as i can remember it, so long that it has lost its original connection with the poem since the poem itself has changed completely several times. i refer to it in my head as "the poem in july" and need to change that.