Wedding night [title in progress]

[wapiti]

Thanks for the feedback!

The problem here is that the figurative language doesn't add anything. It all seems a little redundant.

I kind of agree here. It wasn't my intention, but I definitely see how forced in some language would come across. I'm going to re-work this stanza.

The blindfold idea doesn't carry through much; the motif of the modes of voice throughout is weakened by that broken image there at the beginning.

Can you expand on this a bit or maybe how you might adjust in a general sense? My idea was to start with an image of the initial state of things, which on its own is a little cliche, but I thought this stanza was a bit unique enough to get through. I'll rework the comparison here maybe.

Thanks again