06-07-2018, 03:38 AM
Blood breaks in the bath, the wave reduced
to a shy finger in the lukewarm water. However gorgeous,
pink is too peaky too fine a color for her brand of violence,
she needs it to be obscene. She needs it to be clever.
All right, you have a start.
The rains bear gifts of starlight upon their long arms,
The rains' arms or the stars', or does it matter?
but there is no youth to the pure breaths of a star.
This is one of the lines that's interesting, yet somehow not enough.
There is only melancholy, thin-bodied, classical, and sharp, and time.
Another thin flash of interestingness.
The sky opens, laughing gayly, and she could shut it up
right now, she could climb out the sky and just. Leave.
The best part.
But first she needs to be clean.
(And maybe still more clever; or maybe that doesn't matter so much anymore. At the moment.)
She washes her face over the sink, tap smelling like schnapps,
peach, liquid courage because the abstract type is uninspired,
Mostly because she doesn't feel any? But, then, you said "uninspired" not 'uninspiring'. Or did you?
and the water burns, and her heart breaks. It is a shallow
break, bluntly presented, resting on the laurels
Good, for the personality it's describing.
of a breathless fuck-my-life whisper-slash-scream.
Because her lungs collapse inwards,
she goes outwards, stretching, wanting, always
to a shy finger in the lukewarm water. However gorgeous,
pink is too peaky too fine a color for her brand of violence,
she needs it to be obscene. She needs it to be clever.
All right, you have a start.
The rains bear gifts of starlight upon their long arms,
The rains' arms or the stars', or does it matter?
but there is no youth to the pure breaths of a star.
This is one of the lines that's interesting, yet somehow not enough.
There is only melancholy, thin-bodied, classical, and sharp, and time.
Another thin flash of interestingness.
The sky opens, laughing gayly, and she could shut it up
right now, she could climb out the sky and just. Leave.
The best part.
But first she needs to be clean.
(And maybe still more clever; or maybe that doesn't matter so much anymore. At the moment.)
She washes her face over the sink, tap smelling like schnapps,
peach, liquid courage because the abstract type is uninspired,
Mostly because she doesn't feel any? But, then, you said "uninspired" not 'uninspiring'. Or did you?
and the water burns, and her heart breaks. It is a shallow
break, bluntly presented, resting on the laurels
Good, for the personality it's describing.
of a breathless fuck-my-life whisper-slash-scream.
Because her lungs collapse inwards,
she goes outwards, stretching, wanting, always