Lost

Lost

wapiti
Unregistered

06-07-2018, 12:32 AM

Quote:I succumb

What do you succumb to? This seems like a strong word choice without more detail

Quote:and
Collapse to the
Ground.
Tears stream down my face
In a melancholy deluge.

Why did you break-up the lines in the way you did? The pacing seems off.

Quote:Anywhere.

This seems superfluous. The poem is stronger without it.

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Messages In This Thread

Lost - by SpaceDirt - 04-29-2018, 09:42 AM

RE: Lost - by alonso ramoran - 04-29-2018, 10:46 AM

RE: Lost - by Scarlet69 - 05-19-2018, 09:36 PM

RE: Lost - by TheCoyote - 05-25-2018, 10:37 AM

RE: Lost - by Radetof.Yahska - 05-29-2018, 06:36 PM

RE: Lost - by SpaceDirt - 05-30-2018, 09:46 AM

RE: Lost - by nozaki - 05-30-2018, 10:07 PM

RE: Lost - by wapiti - 06-07-2018, 12:32 AM

RE: Lost - by Mayhap - 06-13-2018, 02:19 AM

RE: Lost - by wordgobbler - 06-13-2018, 05:09 PM

RE: Lost - by Jackintheroom - 06-24-2018, 04:38 AM

RE: Lost - by The Sinn - 08-20-2018, 12:46 AM

RE: Lost - by Shokna - 09-03-2018, 02:36 AM

RE: Lost - by billy - 09-24-2018, 09:42 AM

RE: Lost - by applebear - 09-27-2018, 05:45 AM

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