Straitjacket

[wapiti]

Tie it up on me.

Can you explain what the intention is in this line? It feels incorrect to say "tie up on ___." This might just be an unfamiliar idiomatic expression.

I agree with Richard's take otherwise on his rewriting of the first stanza.

I enjoy the repetition and think you did a great job not forcing it with unusual or awkward phrasing, but some people will find it cliched when combined with the mood and tone of the poem. It might be worth challenging yourself to find more unique imagery.

Example: Your 5th stanza brings the trope of laughing at pain. The 6th stanza brings in a anguish and scorn. Your 8th/last stanza combines darkness/pain.

When you combine these frequently used expressions and tropes with repetition and rhyme, it can come across as cliched in a negative way. I think you take this base and really flesh out some beautiful imagery if you think about it.