Straitjacket

[Richard]

Hey TemporaryForever,
I like the rhythm here. However, you need to keep in mind that when you rhyme with shorter lines like in this poem, it is often done with a comic effect in mind. My main suggestion would be to rewrite this so each stanza is two lines instead of four. I'll give an example below:

Tie it up on me.
Tie it up tight.
Let me be trapped in the
still of the night. -I would suggest rewriting this stanza so it reads something like:
Tie it up on me, tie it up tight.
Let me be trapped in the still of the night.

Keep me imprisoned,
Keep me subdued,
Anything else
Would just ruin the mood.

Silence my crying,
Silence my voice.
Lead me to feel 
I had no other choice.

Break me with violence,
Break me with fear.
Leave me to wonder
how I ever got here.

Laugh as you hurt me,
Laugh at the shadows.
Hear the beat of my heart
as it quakes and it rattles.

Cover me in anguish,
Cover me in scorn,
Rip at my clothes 'til
they're tattered and torn.

Mock my entrapment.
Mock my cold face.
Treat me like garbage,
that's cheap to replace.

Leave me in darkness,
Leave my pain to release.
And perhaps in the madness
I'll finally find peace.

I would also suggest rethinking some of the repetition. You could definitely keep some, but it's overdone when it's in each stanza. I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard