05-19-2018, 09:36 PM
Hello Spacedirt,
I like the enjambment and agree with Alex about not capitalizing each line. I also really like the way you separated the word "anywhere" all by itself giving it a feeling of loneliness. I am not sure I like the word "crossroads" in the first line as that indicates a limited number of options. It infers a moment of decisiveness that I'm not feeling in the rest of the poem. I really like stanza five. One of my poetry mentors gave me some advice that I pass on to my students when they're writing poetry (I'm an English teacher) that I'd like to pass on. She said that the last word of the line is the most important word. That being said, I would remove the "and" in stanza five and let it read - "They pull me in/They pull me apart" - and possibly replace the word "pull" with "rip" as it would give it more intensity to match the "tearing" of the heart earlier in the poem.
Best of luck,
Scarlet69
I like the enjambment and agree with Alex about not capitalizing each line. I also really like the way you separated the word "anywhere" all by itself giving it a feeling of loneliness. I am not sure I like the word "crossroads" in the first line as that indicates a limited number of options. It infers a moment of decisiveness that I'm not feeling in the rest of the poem. I really like stanza five. One of my poetry mentors gave me some advice that I pass on to my students when they're writing poetry (I'm an English teacher) that I'd like to pass on. She said that the last word of the line is the most important word. That being said, I would remove the "and" in stanza five and let it read - "They pull me in/They pull me apart" - and possibly replace the word "pull" with "rip" as it would give it more intensity to match the "tearing" of the heart earlier in the poem.
Best of luck,
Scarlet69