First Edit: Natural Temptation

[Todd]

Hi Richard, it has some nice emotional beats in it. 

This is more opinion on my part than a catalog of flaws. So, take it in that tone.

Natural Temptation --Good Title because it highlights the tension of a moral crossroads.

I promised to hold your hand until the end,--This is a good opening line. I wonder though about its structure compared to the first line of S2. I feel like there has to be something in S2 that has that "until the end" addition to it. "Soon, I'll have to carry you," would be like breaking this line after "hand". I think you need to condense the idea in S22/L2 into a closing phrase tacked on to the end of S2/L1 to maintain the structure--if that at all makes sense.
both of us entering a dark forest:
birches wearing moonlight,--This is the start of a nice image. I think though that "wearing" is a bit mundane to set the tone your working toward.
their shine angelic, mesmerizing,--If they are wearing it, think of the trees as runway models have the movement display the shine. Build another layer onto this perhaps. I don't think you need mesmerizing. That's more of a conclusion and draws us out of the image. I would consider ending the line with "until" to hold the tension for a breath.
until clouds turn pines dark --This is a good idea but slightly heighten the language. I'm not a fan of "turn" as it's used here.
as your saddest dress.--lovely, poignant line.

Soon, I'll have to carry you,--To the earlier point on this. I could see: "Soon, I'll have to carry you to the other side,"
as we approach the other side,
my steps will count as two, but no one
keeps a ledger for such things;--I like this line. I've experimented with ways to end on it but am not happy with them. These last two lines though read very true to me.
the same is true for the number of times
I've considered letting go of you.


From NaPM

Like I said, I do like this. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd