Dear Applicant, Steve
In order to properly categorise your request,
we ask that you clarify the following:
The Object -- While it is understandable that you,
in a surge of lust, would wish to possess this woman, we
must not be premature. Have you pursued
the possibility of relations on your own, or do you
truly require our intervention? Understand
we are happy to take payment, but please
be certain. Our complaints department does not
take kindly to frivolous protestations.
The Setting -- I am certain you believe
that a bridge at sunset is suitably romantic
for your conquest, but consider the possible
consequence when you emerge from your
concealment. It is but a short jump to liberty.
In addition, how do you propose
to keep the ring intact? Salt and fog are not
happy bedfellows, and a chicken does not
bleed without leaving a mess such that civic
bodies tend to disapprove.
The Price -- Our fee is not negotiable. Two
souls, to be removed at the moment of
contact. The greater the tension, the easier
the transfer. Your sense of drama will ease
passage of your own, but hers must be taken
too in order that the contract be complete.
Failure will result in a waiver of your rights
and immediate procession to the final stage
of the agreement.
This is your last opportunity to withdraw
your application.
With kind regards,
His Diabolical Majesty's Head Secretary,
Jeff
In order to properly categorise your request,
we ask that you clarify the following:
The Object -- While it is understandable that you,
in a surge of lust, would wish to possess this woman, we
must not be premature. Have you pursued
the possibility of relations on your own, or do you
truly require our intervention? Understand
we are happy to take payment, but please
be certain. Our complaints department does not
take kindly to frivolous protestations.
The Setting -- I am certain you believe
that a bridge at sunset is suitably romantic
for your conquest, but consider the possible
consequence when you emerge from your
concealment. It is but a short jump to liberty.
In addition, how do you propose
to keep the ring intact? Salt and fog are not
happy bedfellows, and a chicken does not
bleed without leaving a mess such that civic
bodies tend to disapprove.
The Price -- Our fee is not negotiable. Two
souls, to be removed at the moment of
contact. The greater the tension, the easier
the transfer. Your sense of drama will ease
passage of your own, but hers must be taken
too in order that the contract be complete.
Failure will result in a waiver of your rights
and immediate procession to the final stage
of the agreement.
This is your last opportunity to withdraw
your application.
With kind regards,
His Diabolical Majesty's Head Secretary,
Jeff
It could be worse