Buddha Man Blues

[Knot]

Hey RC.

On the Mississippi bottoms
West African griot rhythms
pulse through Spanish moss
that sways over the river bank,
as lovers find their own cadence,
hands move like songs on skin.
I think this is terrific all by itself.
Needs a few minor tweaks as far
as rhythm goes but the last line
is really excellent. ('Pulse' isn't
that interesting, and maybe 'swaying'
- a bit more dynamic- for 'that sways' ?
perhaps;
lovers find their own cadence[s],
hands moving like songs [up]on skin.)

At night, in the juke joint,
his face possesses the stage,
don't really understand
'face possesses the stage'
nods, beams, a calm center,
statue still, stone ready.
'stone ready' just seems a weak
end to 'statue'

He cradles the guitar in huge hands,
calloused from field work;
the slide on his little finger cries,
moans up and down honky-tonk strings.
Not quite doing enough for me
Just a for instance;
Guitar softly cradled in calloused hands,
huge [heavy from field work.
He slips the slide on his little finger...]

Hidden knives of men are at the ready,
streets are steamy, women scheme,
as they walk in from sweltering fields at dusk.
Don't understand why this verse is here.

An aristocrat where he sits,
he’s the clown on demand,
Could do with having the aristocrat/clown
contradiction explained.
moves his hands in memory over maps
of a new land forbidden to tyranny,
where exuberant sounds untangle
the Gordian knot fashioned of chains.

You seem to have two or three pieces here,
and I'm not sure they amount to a single whole.
S1 is worth the price of admission on its own though.


Best, Knot.