A Date

[kaos]

Now that I think about it,
I probably have never experienced life the way I should.
Free of any adulterants, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?
But I haven’t been doing that, is it over for me?
When I was a child.
I was doing what any child should have.
Until they dragged me by my coattails, to that circle infernal,
and summoned before my eyes, demons all internal.
Afraid, I ran like anyone would have.
Mortified, I hid before them.
Proud, I was too shy to say it as it was,
Loud, too obvious to be subtle.
The teenage years are fated to be lost,
perhaps I never understood that integral cost,
I kept adding strong structures, hoping they would stick,
on a base made of paper, jerking myself to forget your lick.
The brief sliver of adulthood I have been granted,
Feels wasted even before I received,
Drugs, psychotropic and exotic, swim in my stream,
I thought I was awake, but it was all a dream.
Now I am as much a stranger as a babe just born,
As much an amateur as that beginner forlorn,
As new as that slowly creeping morn,
But still clichéd, as the word torn in this rhyme scheme.
Now I am suddenly aware of my misgivings,
in the whole of life and its many intricacies.
And like the only other thing which has given me regret,
Her, I feel it’s insurmountable, the ever increasing debt.
Will both my quandaries resolve themselves?
If I correct the other…
But is that another mistake my mind has made?
For even in the little wisdom I have, failure spreads it odour.
Either I reject life, along with you, and everyone else,
and stop subjecting myself to this cursed fate.
But if I vanish how will I know?
If finally you agree to date,
Me…