04-08-2018, 01:11 AM
First off:
Did not catch it was a scientific name. Thought it was a contrived latin phrase, which made me think 'myth? or at the very least Cicero's day and age?' Remedy: follow the rules and write it Actias somnium. Those of us in-the-know would thank you for it.
That said, second off:
Of course, it doesn't help that the scientific name of the creature is not a name at all. What's even more painful, at least when considering the original title, is that the common name of the bloody beast is practically identical, such that the only reason this reader can think of as to why the author chose to name it as such is because he or she is kinda pretentious, especially as there's no real scientific humor to the piece's main body (not to mention the voice of the whole thing, which, although not bad in-and-of-itself, does take some getting used to). That is to say, abandon the device entirely -- 'On the Luna Moth' or 'On the Sleeping Moth'.
But of course, the third and final:
Why not a more evocative title? One, perhaps, directly tied to the flame's address...
And now for some nits. 'and still you come', 'you've singed your wings', and i'm pretty sure 'elusive' is the wrong word (i get that shafts of light can't evade, but then again they normally don't, not to mention how it sounds way too close to 'illusive').
Did not catch it was a scientific name. Thought it was a contrived latin phrase, which made me think 'myth? or at the very least Cicero's day and age?' Remedy: follow the rules and write it Actias somnium. Those of us in-the-know would thank you for it.
That said, second off:
Of course, it doesn't help that the scientific name of the creature is not a name at all. What's even more painful, at least when considering the original title, is that the common name of the bloody beast is practically identical, such that the only reason this reader can think of as to why the author chose to name it as such is because he or she is kinda pretentious, especially as there's no real scientific humor to the piece's main body (not to mention the voice of the whole thing, which, although not bad in-and-of-itself, does take some getting used to). That is to say, abandon the device entirely -- 'On the Luna Moth' or 'On the Sleeping Moth'.
But of course, the third and final:
Why not a more evocative title? One, perhaps, directly tied to the flame's address...
And now for some nits. 'and still you come', 'you've singed your wings', and i'm pretty sure 'elusive' is the wrong word (i get that shafts of light can't evade, but then again they normally don't, not to mention how it sounds way too close to 'illusive').