just a moment

[Fatman Butter]

of this     .................. I really like this, although I agree with others that with work it could be better. I think the opening could be dispensed with, which would give you  
you can be clear  .....................more impact and more of a hook
that moment
was
a moment

I saw it
in the distance

I saw it
as it came closer

I saw it
as I lived it      ................. Then to here it's packing a punch all the way.

I can see it
fading
out of sight                     .................I think these 3 lines should just be 2 linens
as I shade my eyes       ...................... I find these next 3 lines disruptive as they aren't about the moment
to look ahead
into the blazing sun

that moment   ................... These 3 lines are again really telling your appreciation of the moment

what a moment

I saw it     ...............    I would end here (we know the moment has gone)

now
it’s gone