just a moment

[Richard]

Hey Frank,
I get what you're going for here. However, I think you need to think about how you want to say it. I'll go into more detail below:

of this
you can be clear
that moment
was
a moment -I don't think you need the repetition of "moment" here. May be replace "that moment" with "it"? Plus, you having "was" as a one word line gives it extra emphasis, so you don't need to have it in italics.

I saw it
in the distance

I saw it
as it came closer

I saw it
as I lived it -I get the repetition of "I saw it" here, yet I think you don't need it. Why not combine these three stanzas into one that would look something like this: "in the distance/ as it came closer/ as I lived it"? Just a thought.

I can see it -I feel like this line is redundant because you already said "I saw it" a couple of stanzas back. Plus it's implied when you say something like "as it came closer". My suggestion would be to cut this line.
fading
out of sight
as I shade my eyes
to look ahead
into the blazing sun -I'm not sure what the sun has to do with this moment. May be this is a point you could expand upon?

that moment -I would omit this line  and the next because you've already established the importance of this moment in previous stanzas.

what a moment

I saw it -Again, this line has already been said/implied and doesn't need to be said again.

now
it’s gone -I like this as a ending, and would keep it because it sums up the speaker's feelings of loss over the passing moment.

~

apology - title change - I had intended posting a different piece and left the incorrect title when I changed my mind.

Overall, I think it's best if you could trim down the repetition and expand on what the moment actually was. I get why you're being vague about the moment, so it has some universal appeal, but you're being too vague here. I look forward to seeing where you take this piece from here.

Cheers,
Richard